Is it normal to struggle to make friends in college?

Yes, it is normal to struggle to make friends in college. Transitioning to college is a significant change, and navigating new social landscapes can be challenging, especially when moving away from familiar high school environments to a new, diverse setting.

How do you make friends in college realistically?

Making friends in college can be achieved by participating in pre-orientation events, engaging in campus activities, joining clubs that match your interests, and being open to meeting new people through social media groups and class interactions. Keeping your dorm room door open when possible can also make your space more welcoming and facilitate friendships.

How to make friends in college if you are shy?

If you are shy, making friends in college can start with attending structured activities like pre-orientation events, joining clubs, and participating in smaller group interactions where you feel more comfortable. Digital interactions through social media groups can also be a starting point to form connections before meeting in person.

Why is it hard to make friends after college?

It can be harder to make friends after college due to the lack of centralized community and organized events that are typical in a college setting. Adults often face more varied schedules and commitments, such as careers and family, which can limit opportunities for socializing.

At what age is it hard to make friends?

It can become challenging to make friends as you age, particularly after leaving educational environments and entering more stable, less transient phases of life where social opportunities may diminish and personal responsibilities increase.

Is it normal to have no close friends in college?

It is not uncommon to have no close friends in college, especially in the early stages of your college journey. It often takes time to develop deep and meaningful relationships, and this process can be influenced by personal comfort zones, social skills, and the nature of the college environment.

Some Advice for Making Friends in College

College Counseling

Jun 4

Written By Lynne Fuller

Jumping into college can be like navigating a whole new universe, especially in the realm of friendships. The hallways filled with friends and familiar faces from high school are no more, and you are thrust into a bustling mix of new people who are as eager, hesitant, and hopeful as you.

Whether you’re an incoming freshman straight out of high school or a seasoned student looking to expand your circle, this guide is your companion for successfully making friends and forging lasting bonds during your college years. Extroverts this may be natural, but for introverts taking the next steps to build friendships can often feel daunting. Read on for tips on how each personality style can thrive in college.

Define Your Social Agenda

Before rushing into college it's crucial to draft your personal social map based on past experience. In high school, you may have enjoyed your friendship circle but many may be ready to flip the script on who they surround themselves with.

Ask questions of your experience - What has worked for you? What would you change about your circle now?

Remember that college is the time where you are drawn to a college campus for what it offers, most of your classmates are there for similar reasons. Those who attend your high school are there because of location or a particular program, not by choice. So… imagine living in a place where everyone has shared values and goals… that is your new college community that you chose. Your chances of identifying your core group is much more likely because you are all starting from the same place.

Setting the Friendship Barometer

What are your friendship aspirations? Are you aiming for a bustling social calendar or a tight-knit group? Understand your comfort zone and the ways you typically interact with others.

It is also important to be completely honest with yourself in how you refuel your social energy. Are you a social butterfly or do you prefer a couple of really close relationships? Do large gatherings excite you, or do they trigger a quiet escape plan? Recognizing your social inclinations will help you seek out friendships that align with your natural temperament.

If you are struggling with these questions, talk with a trusted friend or adult to help you identify how you refuel your social energy and how you show up in a friendship.

Presenting Your Social Self

Reflect on your social presentation. How do you tend to come across to others? Are you reserved or outgoing?

Understand what are your quirks in a friendship and be transparent in your needs so there is no uncertainty in this new friendship. Understanding your social demeanor can aid in your personal marketing strategy as you aim to attract friends who appreciate you for who you are, quirks and all.

Friendship-Making Before You Even Unpack

The social starting gun goes off before you’ve even moved into your dorm. Summer surges with opportunities to initiate relationships.

Pre-Orientation

Many colleges offer pre-orientation events and programming where you can mingle with your future classmates – these aren’t just optional diversions, they’re your launchpad for pre-friendships. Pre-orientation programs are often two to four-day journeys where you camp, hike, spelunk, engage in team-building activities, and connect with upperclassmen leaders who can show you the ropes.

These events are terrific opportunities to sweat and chat around the campfire with a small group, rather than be thrown into a larger freshman orientation. If you enjoy the experience and demonstrate leadership skills, you may be tagged to lead the event next year. Simply being outside and in nature offers the Vitamin D and endorphin release you need before heading into classes within a few week’s time, so why not make a new like-minded hiking buddy along the way.

Summer Shindigs

From Facebook groups to impromptu hangouts arranged by alumni, there’s a ramp-up in communication that you will see come across social channels. Be sure to register for these summer meet-and-greets to start building connections with current students and soon-to-be peers. This is a terrific opportunity to meet students across graduation years and alumni to embark on your networking journey.

Digital Handshakes

In today's world, you can already start forming connections. Join social media groups, particularly for clubs and societies of interest on Instagram and Facebook and specific pages for your graduating class. Engage in discussions, attend virtual events, and create a firm foundation of casual camaraderie… just be mindful that what you say in a group will remain with you and becomes an indicator of how people get to know your personality, so be thoughtful when you engage with these groups.

Arrival and Assembly on Campus

The actual move-in day tensions are running high. Moving is really hard, this is a transition for you and your family and everyone deals with these feelings in a different way. Just remember to show love and appreciation for those who are slugging bags up staircases for you and that time spent in icebreakers making new friends and learning about your hallmates is just a few hours away.

Attending Orientation is Essential

You may not absorb everything said in orientation, but it is an essential activity to meet new people, have fun, and learn about campus events and resources. It can be really overwhelming and it is perfectly fine to take breaks when needed. Take breaks and select the activities that speak most to your interests.

Keep the Door Open, Literally

Once you have moved in, your dorm room door acts as more than just a barrier; it’s a symbol, a threshold. Keeping it open communicates a warmth and willingness to welcome new friends. However, if you need to study, rest, or just have some quiet time, it is OK to close your door but if possible try to keep your door open your first year as much as you are comfortable with to help you establish friendships with people living on your floor.

Class Consociates

Don’t underestimate the people you share lecture halls with. Those tiny exchanges can blossom into full friendships. Strike up a conversation with the students who sit around you in class. This is a great way to make friends with similar academic interests, find peers for group projects/presentations, students to study with, and/or get notes from if you have to miss class. This is highly recommended for your major courses since it is likely you will take more than one class with these students.

Friends you make in class are also great people to grab a beverage or food with after class to debrief the lecture. This is a fun way to reinforce the information you just learned and to seek clarity on parts of the discussion you were uncertain about.

Extracurricular Engagement

Attend the Activities Fair on campus at the start of each semester to learn more about the clubs, societies, and organizations available. Sign up for something you have always loved, something you have always wanted to try but didn't have access to before, and then something totally new to you.

Attend an event or two and consider your bandwidth for the semester. If the organization turns out not to be a good fit, no harm done. You can also reach out to these organizations over the summer. As soon as you identify clubs of interest, start following their social channels!

Work Stations That Birth Bonds

Consider working in on-campus spaces like the library or the cafe, areas that are both functional and friendly. Here, casual encounters can transform into regular hangouts and study sessions, incubators for true collegiate companionships to form. Think about your interests and college goals, look for opportunities in and around these areas.

The Lasting Impression of Friendships

Patience, Young Padawan

Be patient in your social quest. Friendships, the good ones at least, take time. You’re in it for the long game, not the quick win. College is a revisable fable, where characters and plotlines change – and that’s okay.

Dynamic Friendships Are the Norm

Friend groups will shift, people change, and along with them, comes the change of company. Don’t be disheartened. Consider it an elective course in flexibility and inclusivity.

Class is in Session on Friendship Maintenance

Once you’ve forged friendships, it’s time for a lesson in upkeep. Be inclusive, set up routines, and celebrate each other's company, making your friendships an integral part of your college experience. Enjoy weekly movie nights, binge watch a new show, make a bucket list of everything you want to do on and around campus before you graduate and try to check a few items off the list each semester.

The Friendship Quad: Together and Apart

Spending time together is crucial, but so is time spent apart. It’s in the individual growth that the group flourishes. Ensure everyone has space to be themselves and develop outside the group dynamics. It is important to take whatever time you need to recharge for your next endeavor and to take time in smaller groups, especially if larger ones are overwhelming.

Celebrating Your Social Achievements

Mark milestones with your friends, be it holidays, birthdays, or the end-of-semester parties. These shared experiences serve as notches in the belt of your collective college experience.

Your Graduation Summa Cum Laude in Friendship

While grades fade, it's the friends and the knowledge of self gained during college that endure. Cherish these relationships, and hold on to the lessons they teach you about empathy, communication, and personal evolution.

Friendship in college isn’t just about survival; it’s a skill to be cultivated, a joy to be shared, and a legacy to be lived. So don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and make new friends along the way. Embrace change and growth, both in yourself and in your friendships.

Remember that maintenance is key - put effort into keeping those connections strong through inclusivity, routines, and celebrating each other's company. And don't forget to take time for individual growth as well; it will only enrich your friendships in the long run. So go forth, dear student, and make the most of this unique social experience called college!

Lynne Fuller https://www.collegeflightpath.com